We had loads of really good advice recently on our Facebook group. Shopping can be a difficult experience for anyone who doesn’t identify as the gender they were assigned, and we live in a society with really strict dress codes. Here is a selection of the best comments for someone struggling to buy clothes…
“Start off with androgynous jeans, shoes and plain tops and slowly build up a wardrobe/ why go local ?/ get to a big city shopping centre where no one knows you/ do not be ashamed or guilty/ because you know this is right and all ok… It may be an effort but you have to start somehow somewhere …”
“Primark if you can get to one….cheap so you can find a style that suits you and populate a decent wardrobe without breaking the bank, there are loads of people through there so it’s basically anonymous and the staff really don’t care. Same goes for any larger store, really. And eBay/any online clothes shop. As for sizes, just measure yourself, find out what you are in ‘women’ sizing, remember that all shops define the sizes differently (nightmare!) and get out there.
It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, if they’re staring then it’s their issue, not yours. Don’t let their inability to step outside the box they live in weigh on your life and what you want to do. You’ll find, if you act confidently then you’ll get less attention, but if you act like you’re doing something wrong (which you definitely aren’t) it’ll attract people’s attention.”
“It is tough and the world is not always nice and caring for any girls and transgender girls in particular, especially, in the beginning of their journey. You have to brace yourself and learn to focus on your aims in life, one day at a time, and ignore the outside world when it actively negatively affects you. Shopping can and should be enjoyable for any lady. Relax! Other shoppers aren’t there to identify any strange (from their point of view) characters, they are (surprise! surprise!) only shopping too! Shopping assistants are only interested in their sales. so even if you were an alien or a mythical creature – they’d take your cash! Go to whichever dressing room you feel comfortable in – even if they call you a mate or anything else (that’s from my personal experience). the more relaxed you are – the more natural you are – the less unwanted attention/stares you will get! Remember that! I was walking the other day on a friday night in a fairly short little black dress to a railway station from which a crowd of drunken football fans was coming out – would you panic in such a scenario? if you would, they’d see you as a sport! the right approach is to walk right through them proudly ‘wearing your invisible crown’ and paying no attention to them chin up, nose up, smile, straighten your figure and go ahead! Conquer the world! you can do it! … xxx”
“Every stare, every comment, is them trying to stop you.
What you are doing in being who you actually are, instead of what everyone wants you to be, causes most to rethink their ideas on gender and people.
They look, because you are breaking the code.
All you are doing is being a person.
And you deserve so much better.
What you are doing should be celebrated.
It is horrible that it isn’t.
But you have the right to go into any shop, buy anything you want and be whoever you want to be.
Please know that. You are not asking for anything special.
Please keep going. You deserve the life you want. The best thing you can do to fight is keep going.
Don’t let them win.
They want you to feel like this so you can go away.
For now, listen to headphones when you are in shops.
Don’t stop. Don’t look at them. Concentrate on being you.
Eventually (and I know you won’t believe this) you will be OK.”