I Want You

I’m Reena Leigh Gibson, a songwriter and lead singer ofReena Leigh Gibson - Milestone Road
the Birmingham rock band Milestone Road. Yeah I’m a 44 year old mtf transsexual and I sing in a rock band, how cool is that?

As a songwriter, I tend to find that all of the songs I write are about truth, and about life. To me the idea of connecting with a song and being able to perform it to the best of my ability is all about having lived through it, whether the experience was good or bad, being able to tell a story and deliver it in the best way possible to the audience before me, that’s just the way that I connect with songs and it’s lyrical content. And yes, I’ve performed many songs in the past by other artists but I just never get that connection as I do with singing my own songs with the band.

Well moving on, as any transsexual will tell you, being trans for a lot of us, isn’t the easiest thing in the world. And sometimes, for those of us who have partners, we can get so wrapped up in our own issues and how we have to learn to deal with them, that we can sometimes forget about the ones closest to us that we love so much too.

It was in June 2014, and as an effort to write even more songs for the band,  that I came up with our latest track “I Want You”. It tells the story of being trans from the other perspective, from the point of view of the partner who in their own way has to go through their own pain, loss and suffering. Most of the time they have to go through it alone, in the silence and in the darkness, with the tears from the pain that is very rarely seen by those around them and closest to their hearts. They can’t in many aspects turn to their loving partner, how can they when they’re so wrapped in their own emotions of coming out and dealing with the ups/downs and pitfalls that transition brings? It’s a sometimes scary world that just like parenting doesn’t come with a guidebook or a map telling you which way you should turn next. On both sides of the emotional fence you have to try and figure things out for yourself, and a lot of the time you’re very much alone.

For the trans person like myself you’re left with a do or die situation, for the partner however, they just want things back to being “normal”, whatever normal may be these days. It’s learning to cope with that ever present lack of “normal” that tends to be the most heartbreaking moment of all, realizing that everything you had built, hoped and dreamed of for so long has now been torn from under you. As much as you might wish and pray that things were different than what they are right now, you finally start to realize and try to come to terms with the idea that what is, just simply is…

The version of the song you’re about to read and hear below is the demo that was recorded by myself and put forward to the band, I was lucky enough that they loved it from the start and it wasn’t cast aside to be forgotten about. As a band we’ve performed it live on 4 separate occasions now, the first time ever though was at Derby Pride on the 13th September 2014. In my own admission I’d never been to a Pride event before, but being able to perform this song at such an event was one of my proudest moments ever.

Reena xx

 I Want You

It’s been hell since you left
Since you walked away
It’s left a hole in my heart
And it’s tearing me apart

Not a second chance
To fix this broken romance
Oh what am I to do
I was so in love with you

I want you to hold me, love me
If it’s just one more kiss
It’s you I really miss
So please touch me, and tease me
The way you used to do
All the ways you used to

Now it’s faded and grey
And the pain’s here to stay
Thought I’d never know
This heartache that hurts me so

All the pleasure and pain
Caused by our silly games
And all those words that you said
Oh that I misread

 

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