This week sees the anniversary of when I irrevocably changed my name for ever.
I did it with an on-line Deed Poll company and will always remember savouring the moment by holding my finger over the send button for a few seconds before finally doing it.
Of course I will tell you that I didn’t change my name, I merely corrected a mistake that my parents had made. I knew from a very young age what my real name was, it just took me a lifetime to tell everyone.
I’m sure that anyone who has done the same will tell you about the thrill when your new drivers licence and bank cards and other official documents come through. I even enjoyed getting my Council Tax bill, and when my first wage slip came I showed everyone at work ‘look it’s in MY name!’
Six months, almost to the day, after getting my Deed Poll I got my HRT prescription. Of course it’s still early days but I feel so much better, Validated is the word I use to describe how I feel, and I think I’m getting a few tell tale pains in my breast that say I’m beginning to change physically as well. This morning I pulled my dressing gown on a bit too quickly and got a sharp pain when I brushed against a nipple. I never thought that I would be looking forward to that happening.
Probably the most important thing that has happened though was coming out to my daughter at long last.
My ex had been aware of my transition for a couple of years but had always asked not to tell our daughter ‘just yet’. This had been a source of conflict between us as I was becoming increasingly dysphoric at the thought of even wearing gender neutral clothes. I was scared that my emotional pain would be mistaken by my girl as anger at her, so I told her the truth.
She was great and took the news so well, I hugged her and told her how proud she makes me.
In one of those twists of fate she was accepted into Edinburgh University at the same time as I had to move flat. She coincidentally moved into student accommodation about three hundred yards away from where I now live!
Of course life ain’t always a bowl of cherries, but I can say without a moments hesitation that transition has been an entirely positive thing for me. I can’t think of a single thing that I regret about it, apart from not doing it sooner. But even that isn’t a real regret, I might not have had the same relationship with my daughter if things had been done differently.
And the future? Well, I’m going to start nagging the GIC to put me forward for surgery. I know that that’s a way down the line, but I know in my heart that I am ready. Like changing my name it’s a mistake that needs to be corrected.